Obama Announces Beer Summit with Joe Wilson

Seeking to quell the furor over Wednesday night’s heckling in a joint session of Congress and return focus on his health bill, President Obama offered a willingness to reconcile with Rep. Joe Wilson in a familiar setting: a beer summit.

Obama suggested he might offer Joe Wilson a tall, cool glass of something called “STFU.” Rep. Wilson assured him, “No need, I come drunk.” On the snack menu are foot long sandwiches specially made to order called “a Foot-Upyoass.”

Likely beer talk topics include why don’t immigrants pour beers right, why do people always tell me I get loud when I drink, and is there anything else open this late?

While other members of Congress were dismayed by rewarding bad behavior with a private audience with the President, Obama assured his critics that the evening he had in mind would not be one the other Congressmen would miss.

Other potential excursions for the beer summit would be a tour of the White House basement, including Dick Cheney’s Enhanced Interrogation & Masturbation Bunker. Unlike the previous beer summit, media would not be invited to attend, and Rahm Emmanuel muttered something unprintable about scrubbing the guest list.

Rep. Joe Wilson denied he had any intention of stepping down from his position in the House, or of going on any international hiking trips that a friend recommended. But Wilson said that if he did have a leave of absence, he would move to have his successor be onetime South Carolina candidate Stephen Colbert. “He is a true conservative,” intoned Wilson, “Who knows how to yell even louder than me.”